It's OK to be a bit Covid-19 bonkers; have a taco

I will try to refrain from cursing, although sometimes I do believe it can be the perfect ingredient or the frosting on the cake. I am going to share some perspectives, maybe some words of encouragement, and a heck of a lot of Covid-19 puzzlers about all that has happened and all that you may be feeling.

This year has been super challenging, in so many different ways for all of us. If you have had any feelings of anger, frustration, fear, worry, sadness and grief on any level, to any degree — then you are a living, breathing, real life human being who gives a crap about what is going on.

Experiencing any of these feelings means you care about what is going on around you: to care about when you get to see your family, the health of those around you and financial burdens they may have, your own mental health and experiences as well as the experiences and feelings of others, and events and things you may not be a part of but hear or read about.

So, the pain, distress, worries and fears, and grief and loss you feel is because of something amazing and good about who you are as a person — you care, and that is a beautiful thing.

I am feeling so much empathy for you. Whoever you are reading these words, whatever you are enduring and feeling, and have gone through and not gone through — it matters. Even if it feels like others may have gone through more, or some have gone through less, it all matters.

There has been so much loss this year on so many levels: loss of what we thought the year would look like; experiences and opportunities we thought we might get to have; seeing loved ones in person; the loss of lives from illness and other events; the loss of jobs, finances and housing; our mental health feeling less stable; loss of feeling safe or heard by others; loss of relationships due to different opinions and values. There is just so much loss.

So, I am not about to say something magic. But I hope something might click and help your mind and heart find a tiny acorn of relief. And if it doesn’t help or give relief, that’s OK too. But maybe we can see the cream rising to the top at the same time of all the challenges, loss and trauma of this year. Maybe the cream rising to the top doesn’t take away the challenges and trauma, and that is OK. Maybe the cream is just to help us and support us amid heaviness.

And if it has felt like there is no cream rising to the top for you — like there is no silver lining — that is OK. There is no perfect way to cope. We didn’t get a pamphlet in the mail in January or February explaining all that would happen this year and how to cope with it.

It is said that painful experiences pull at us more magnetically than the positive ones, and that it takes three positives to counteract a negative. But if you can find the “maybes” of any pain you are feeling and some of that cream rising to the top, you might be able to take a deep breath and get even a minute, or a few seconds, of rest.

Whoever you are reading this, you are here, you have walked through this season in life, minute by minute, hour by hour and day by day. You did not have to walk through this perfectly, nor do you need to. You deserve to find rest and peace by finding the cream rising, even while we continue to swim in the very cold, tumultuous, deep end of the events of this year.

I am not going to pretend to know how it feels to be in your shoes. We experience things in different ways, to different degrees. Some of us are going to have to work harder to cope, and some maybe don’t want to work on it, and yet others feel like it may be easier to cope with. All of that is OK.

We don’t have to know exactly what a person is going through to show love and empathy. Those are things that we have control of, no matter the events of the past, present and future.

I make a commitment to also tell myself it’s OK to struggle, to feel the feelings of this year while committing to see one thing today that feels like cream rising to the top. Even if it’s just enjoying my cup of coffee, or being grateful that I got to buy some groceries and that I get to make tacos again for the fifth time this week. Is there really a limit of how many times a person can have tacos?

Amy Vredenburgh of Silver Birch Therapy is a licensed marriage and family therapist. Contact her at [email protected].