Guest Commentary: Another meeting? Noooooo

As someone who is going on his 13th month of working from home, I've attended so many Zoom meetings, Webex sessions and Google Meets that I've lost count. One thing that I have noticed is a whole new world of excuses. It's like the "dog ate my paper" crowd has grown up and become adults. Here is a list of some of the most common, along with the actual definitions.

• •

She said: "I'm so sorry, I'm having issues with our band width."

She meant: "I've got three kids and a spouse using every possible tablet, computer, phone and any other device that they can find, all at the same time. Seems like they also think that this new routine requires me to provide a hot lunch and to straighten up their workstations at the end of each day. And don't get me started on whose job it is to walk the dog."

• •

He said: I'm so sorry, but I can't seem to get my video function to work this morning, so I'll be joining the meeting by phone."

He meant: "Are You Kidding Me? Scheduling a Zoom meeting at 8 on a Monday morning. I haven't shaved or showered in two days, much less had time to find a clean shirt with a collar."

• •

He said: "I need to make a call to the IT help desk this morning, so I may be joining in a bit late. Hopefully they'll be able to help me resolve my issues."

He meant: "IT blocked my number last week after my 38th call. I'm on hold with the superintendent of my kids' school, begging her to open up a classroom for my three kids. My wife gets called back to work at her office, leaving me in charge. Not a pretty picture. Since when did fifth-grade math become a foreign language?"

• •

She said: "You'll have to excuse me, I seem to be having some kind of Covid fog this morning."

She meant: "I can't believe that it's taken me this long to discover the joys of day drinking."

Bruce Bock is from Wrenshall.