Suicide still hurts, but action is a balm

Since our eldest son, Doug, died by suicide 17 years ago this month, September has been a difficult time. But it’s also a month that gives me hope, because of how many things have changed since then, nationally and in our own county.

Doug’s death was devastating to our family and friends. At the time, things were kept pretty “quiet” about suicide deaths. We really didn’t have much direction on where to go for help or support after his death. It was more of a taboo subject and wasn’t talked about. We had to be diligent to find support and connections.

It was certainly a whole new world to us to navigate through. We had some friends who had lost their son to suicide in 1986 reach out to us, they being the only parents we knew that had gone through this.

We had support from family and friends but no one really knew what to say or do for us. They meant well, but their good intentions couldn’t “fix” us. It was hard for everyone.

A year after Doug died, in 2008, September was declared National Suicide Awareness & Prevention month. This was also the same year the county formed a group, the Carlton County Suicide Prevention Task Force. I knew I wanted to become a part of it, seeking help and support for myself and family and hoping to make a difference in other peoples lives who were dealing with suicide loss and hopefully, helping others seek the help they needed.

At that time, the task force was made up of professionals in health services, education, counseling, and other fields. I was the only “parent survivor,” a term I referred to myself as, a new identity. But as much as I didn’t want to have this new identity, I knew in my heart I needed to be there. The first few meetings were very hard and I’d leave in tears, sometimes only after about 20 minutes, but I’d always go to the next meeting. Everyone was new at this.

This was new territory to be explored but we all had the same heart and mindset, and that was to work hard to bring awareness, education and prevention to suicide.

It has been a tremendous effort the past 16 years. Although there has been intervention and successes in preventing someone from taking their life, sadly many deaths still continue. We are all working very hard to reach out and try to get the help people need.

And although precious lives are still being taken by suicide, we’ve made a difference. Help found through suicide hotline access at TXT4life, MN741741, 800-273-8255 and the new 988 number, lives have been saved. I’m thankful for that. There is help out there, to continue to give people the hope and help they need.

Meghann Levitt, who is the lead for both the northern Minnesota grant and county task force, has been very instrumental in leading this effort. I truly don’t know what I would have done without her support and encouragement. She is amazing.

Then there is the task force’s Suicide Awareness Memorial Walk. From the very beginning, it was on my heart to have a walk to remember loved ones lost to suicide. It was to be strictly a memorial walk, not a fundraiser. And although I realize organizations need fundraisers to continue their mission, we wanted survivors to be able to come and get the support they need without having to be concerned about raising money. Just getting there as a survivor is a tremendous step and takes a lot of energy.

Our annual walk is on the second Saturday of October each year, this year’s walk being on Saturday, Oct. 12 at Carlton High School with registration beginning at 9:30 a.m. It is a short walk through Carlton and back to the school, plus a speaker and information about resources.

I’d venture to say most everyone has been touched by suicide, directly or indirectly. We’d like to come alongside you and support you in whatever way we can. Please join us and walk in memory of a loved one lost to suicide. I know you will find the understanding and connection as we walk in unity. This is a lifelong journey. Let’s do it together.

Writer Jo Angell is a longtime member of the Carlton County Suicide Prevention Task Force, which has as its mission statement: “Reaching out our hands and hearts to bring suicide awareness, education towards prevention, and support to those who have lost loved ones to suicide as we unite together with understanding and hope.”